What do you see when you look at me?


Wow! Never thought my first Blog entry would be on what it means to be Real. I guess, like “you”, I assumed of myself that it would/should be something profoundly loud with an in your face attitude and a get up off your ass motivational message. After all that is how most people connect the dots when they read my name, right? Funny, I giggle wondering what other thoughts/monikers go along with it? Badass? Tough? Funny? ADHD? Wild? Provocative? Caring? Thoughtful?

Now, imagine for a moment – me - AH the badass Warrior Princess, as being the exact opposite of what you think you know. Yep, it’s true - I spent years hiding behind the walls of insecurity and fear by refusing to face my truths and myself. I know, I know… most people don’t want to hear the REAL story. They prefer to believe the fairytale. They sit in awe of the person presented before them and yet have no idea what it took to get there. Believe it or not I allowed past events, people, and the world around me, to control everything I did and thought about myself.

What if I told you the person you see, follow or know, is NOT the same person I was several years ago? Would you believe me if I told you that I let my personal pain control how I interacted with the world and my insecurities ruled my thoughts and reactions to everyday life? I made decisions based on how “you” thought I should be, what “you” thought I should think and the direction “you” thought I should go. It was a combination of personal tragedies, circumstances, and events that paralyzed my forward progress. I reacted differently to the world around me and held onto the pain and blame so tightly, eventually turning it all inward and sabotaging the REAL me. I used my fears and insecurities to justify my unwillingness to Do Different and take care of myself: mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually.

I had to get honest to find the REAL me…..

Learning to be REAL is a process. An admission of exactly where you are in life. It is an acceptance of the past coupled with a desire to seek forgiveness of one’s own soul (you have to forgive yourself for allowing yourself to get to the place you now find yourself) in order to break through the pain and rediscover you. It is retraining the mind by removing the toxicity and choosing to Do Different in order to achieve the end goal overall health and wellness. Not in an attempt to seek approval or affirmation from others…but rather from oneself.

It often takes looking in the mirrored reflection right in front of you – at times it shows itself in others who have what you seek, other times it’s a painful acknowledgment of a life that is falling apart, an unhealthy mind and body who have reached the end of their rope - that life changing moment when you say to yourself, I am fucking done and am ready to Do Different.

Which brings me back to me – because you see that is where I got. I came to a very dark place in life where it was either choose to Do Different or check out. I had tried to run from the pain, I had tried to be what “you” wanted me to be, and I had tried to forget the past. The problem was, nothing I did was working. Suicide was a very real option. I don’t say that for shock value, I say it because it’s the truth. It’s REAL and it’s acknowledging to “you” that by showing you me, “you” too have permission to do the same. To be you, to be REAL, and to seek the help you need to Do Different in your life thus rewriting your ending anyway you choose.

My message here is simple. It isn’t easy to be REAL. It isn’t easy to admit where you are at in life. People are judgmental, hurtful, and extremely insecure themselves. Often times allowing your struggles to be a justification for their own unwillingness to look inward. You see your struggles enable them to continue looking at everyone else but themselves. How many times do you do this yourself?

It isn’t easy to acknowledge that you need the help of others – but the MINUTE you do, you instantly alter the course direction of your life. There are setbacks, falls, more pain, and so much more struggle – the difference is – it’s ALL worth it to live life being REAL. So do yourself a favor - right now – STOP and look inside your soul – you just might find that ounce of hope left that those of us who share your journey already know exists. That piece of you that cries silently within you waiting to be heard – REACH OUT and SCREAM – surround yourself with those willing to help you make those decisions necessary to heal. To point you in an alternate direction than you are currently traveling. If I can do it ….So can you!

We come to many crossroads in our lives. Some more detrimental than others, but everyday “WE” each have the same choice. To seek what it is we “Want”, by making the choice to “Do” in order to get there.

….Want Different Do Different™….much Love and Light - AH

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